America’s New Godly House Speaker

W.J. Astore

Mike Johnson Emerges as America’s God-Chosen Speaker

America has a new House Speaker in Mike Johnson, a Republican from Louisiana. We have something in common: we are both firefighter’s sons. But that’s about all we have in common.

His hand’s on the Bible—trust him!

Speaker Johnson believes that members of the House have been chosen by God to lead. I thought the voters chose them (actually, the oligarchs choose them, but bear with me), but Johnson is an evangelical and a godly man. His wife is godly too; she spent two weeks on her knees in prayer, according to the new Speaker, and I guess her prayers were answered in her husband’s elevation.

Speaker Johnson, besides mentioning the Lord and God repeatedly, repeated the usual platitudes about America: that we’re the “greatest nation in the history of the world,” the “freest,” most powerful one, truly exceptional, with the “best” system of governance. I guess faith really is blind. Indeed, for much of his speech, the House was applauding itself for working so hard and being so devoted to the people.

So how best to show this devotion to America? Speaker Johnson said his first bill would be in support of America’s “dear friend,” Israel! Nothing says “I love America” more than money and weapons for Israel.

Speaker Johnson was at pains to denounce the “barbarism” of Hamas but declared that the actions of Israel in response have been “good.” So it’s good versus evil yet again in the Middle East, with a “strong America” being the brightest “beacon of freedom.”

Yet that beacon dare not shine too brightly because too many “illegal migrants” are seeking to cross America’s “broken border” to the South. Dammit, America is such a godly land that too many people seek to come here and enjoy the bounty given by God to Americans. Thus Congress must act to keep these illegals out. Dim the beacon! Eject the migrants!

Speaker Johnson was at pains to note Americans can’t afford their groceries, their soaring credit card interest rates, and higher mortgages, but again his first bill in the House was not to help struggling Americans but to send more weapons to Israel to kill barbarians in Gaza. In short, he should fit in just fine in leading his fellow swamp creatures to glory.

Invoking the Founders, Johnson talked about the promise of America as a theological creed, but of course the Founders themselves rejected the coupling of religion with state power. They had had enough of state churches with the Anglican Church of England. Speaker Johnson obviously sees himself and his fellow members of Congress as bishops in the Church of America, which isn’t exactly the vision the Founders had in mind when they wrote the U.S. Constitution.

So there you have it. Speaker Johnson is on a mission from God in the greatest and strongest nation in the history of the world. What could possibly go wrong?

6 thoughts on “America’s New Godly House Speaker”

  1. Yes, thank goodness we are helping the Israeli’s with money and arms. Otherwise how could the “final final solution” survive. (Note, my ironic “final final” is my way of noting that Israelis have become the fascists, appropriating a horrid genocide done by the “original Nazis” into a license to commit an already in-motion [Zionism] genocide against a people who had done nothing to them.)
    So, what in the world is the US doing “aiding” Israel with money and arms sales? They already have sales of Israeli-made or Israeli-based arms (ammunition, drones, training, intelligence, cyber) that far exceed any money the U.S. sends them. Are we just desperate to keep our hand in?
    I didn’t have it at hand so I did a very quick Google. This deserves a deeper dive but:
    In 2020 (BBC) the U.S. gave Israel 3.8-billion dollars, most of in military aid, part of (US News and World) the $260-billion since WWII (my note, Israel didn’t exist officially until 1948), although we’ve given around $160-billion to Egypt.
    Haaretz 2 Oct 2023 article by Oded Yaron reports (hed and sub-hed) “Record-breaking Spike in Countries Buying Israeli Arms and Cyber – Last year, Israel approved the marketing of drones to 145 different countries, with a 25% increase in the number of countries to which intelligence and cyber systems were sold – reveals data disclosed in response to a Freedom of Information request” – breaking their own records now for two years in a row.
    There is a chart showing that arms exports in 2000 were 2.5 billion dollars, in 2009 7.4, in 2021 11.4 and in 2022 12.5-billion dollars. It also showed growths of 40-45 percent or more in the last two years alone.
    Charts show marketing permits (looking to buy) and export permits (shipments) in 2022 (the last year shown in the charts):
    Ammunition 104 marketing, 61 export
    Drones 145 marketing, 56 exports
    Training 114 marketing, 17 exports
    Intel/Cyber 126 marketing, 83 exports
    A Times of Israel, 14 June 2023, article hed declares new record of $12.5-billion in arms sales by Israel in 2022. BTW, they sell even to “Arab allies.”
    They have an entire article category page from which I got this information.
    ~~https://www.timesofisrael.com/topic/israeli-arms-sales/
    This article has an interesting chart showing where their defense exports go to in the world, selling most to Europe, then Asia/Pacific, then “Abraham Accords Countries,” then North America and far less to both Africa and Latin America.
    Drones making up the largest single item at 25%, then at 19% missiles, rockets, air defense.
    2000 years ago “their boy” just multiplied loaves and fishes, now it is anything that kills.

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  2. Sorry, got caught up in detail on part of the Mike Johnson story, his first bill to give more money and weapons to Israel.
    Clearly, Johnson is part of the overall GOP plan to take over the U.S. Johnson is already a certified non-certifier of the vote as opposed to “traitor” Mike Pence, and we have an election next year. Chaos (Kaos?) is the operating method to bring about takeover. It has worked time and again in the past. France, Russia, most any societal upheaval leading to authoritarian takeover. They really don’t have issues they believe in, just issues they create out of thin air, again and again, purely to “dominate.”
    And when the Republican dog catches the car they can’t drive.

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    1. Speaker Mike Johnson does a great tent-revival imitation of former President George “Deputy Dubya” Bush disparaging his earthly father in favor of a more “celestial” one. Sophomore-year high school biology does not seem to have made much of an impression on these two US Government “leaders,” and many of their misguided ilk. At any rate, let us hear it once more for . . .

      Problematic Patriarchy
      (or, “Higher Father” Heresy)

      “Why are you not about your father’s work?”
      The townsfolk asked of Jesus, little jerk.
      “I am,” he answered, pointing to the sky.
      “A higher Father told me He’s the guy.”

      So call him “Zeus” or “Yahweh,” Greek or Jew,
      Earth women find Him lots of fun to screw.
      And if their fathers, boyfriends, husbands bitch,
      Tell them to grow ten inches. That’s the pitch.

      “Mother’s Baby Father’s Maybe,” women say.
      Have God and Joseph check their DNA.
      Then Jesus can go looking for his dad
      Among the “godly” men that Mary had.

      This thing about a virgin mother reeks
      With every word the priest or preacher speaks.
      For if his genes came from his Mom alone,
      Then that would make of Jesus Christ a clone.

      See: No “Y” chromosome means no male sex,
      Just mitochondria and one more “X.”
      Church doctrine, thus, can down the toilet swirl.
      Since genomes point to Jesus as a girl.

      So if you’ve bought this “Faith” as taught to you,
      You haven’t paused to think the whole thing through.
      You skipped basic biology or slept
      Till false, fantastic Figment you’d accept.

      The choice to call the Jesus child “begotten”
      Had implications rather best forgotten:
      That casual – though “Heavenly” – flirtation
      Led straight to uterine insemination.

      What Mary said to Joseph, no one knows
      When pregnancy cut off her monthly flows
      And swollen belly said to all concerned:
      “Not everyone, like Joseph, have I spurned.”

      And now his kid goes skulking through the town
      In search of theological renown
      Embarrassing his cuckold father whom
      A “God” had beaten to his mother’s womb.

      Michael Murry, “The Misfortune Teller,” Copyright © 2020

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