Continuing our election coverage, I thought I’d try to sum up each major candidate with a single word (excluding profanities). I encourage readers to submit your own words for each candidate in the comments section below.
Clinton: Compromised. No candidate is more beholden to special interests and the establishment than Hillary.
Sanders: Revolutionary. Let’s face it: It would be revolutionary for a Socialist Jew to win the Democratic nomination. And “revolution” is one of Bernie’s favorite words.
O’Malley: Eclipsed. I had to strain to remember his name, and I’ve watched the debates. Simply overshadowed by Hillary and Bernie.
Trump: Bombastic. Trump makes a lot of noise, and my dad always told me “the empty barrel makes the most noise.”
Cruz: Oleaginous. There’s something slippery about Cruz.
Rubio: Callow. An eager beaver, apple-polishing type. Not quite ready for prime time.
Bush: Uncertain. He doesn’t seem to believe the words coming out of his own mouth. This is one reason why Trump calls him “weak,” because The Donald never doubts himself.
Carson: Serene. His calm is perfect for a neurosurgeon, but he’s out of his element on the political stage.
Christie: Angry. He seems to despise both Obama (“feckless weakling”) and Hillary. Like Tony Soprano but without the charm.
Kasich: Grey. A conventional Republican governor, he blends into the background due to the strutting peacocks that surround him.
What do you think, readers? Have at it!